THE NEST APPROACH
Our approach is based on our extensive partnership work with autistic young people, in addition to the CPS Model (Dr. Ross Greene), the Low Arousal Approach (Professor Andy McDonnell) and the PANDA Approach (The PDA Society).
Nurture
Nurture
If needed, help a young person to become more relaxed
If someone is upset/ stressed/ having a meltdown, focus on helping them to feel calm as people cannot think logically at this time. If you feel they are not in fight/ flight mode at the moment, skip to step 2: Empathise.
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Appear Calm: You know once they are more relaxed, you can start to have conversations about what happened and how you can help. If you don't look relaxed, this can make a young person more stressed due to the emotional contagion effect. Knowing that things will be ok once they are relaxed, try your best to look relaxed, to stop the young person from becoming more stressed.
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Reduce demands: Only one person should respond to them at a time, and try not to tell them what to do.
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Be flexible with the rules: Learning happens when people are calm. If you focus on things they are doing that you aren't happy with right now, this may make them more stressed.
In Spectrum Gaming when a young person is highly stressed, we sometimes allow them to swear and break other rules as long as it isn't impacting on other members, with the objective of allowing them to become relaxed. A safe place for this is in DMs.
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Avoid power struggles: People need control when they are struggling, so do not take it from them unless you need to. While you are hoping for control so you can help, this can be counter-intuitive.
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Use Distractions: Invite them to watch a video, listen to a song or play a game together. They might say no or react negatively, but if they don't this could be just what they need.
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Where can I learn more about this step?
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Studio 3 has a range of free webinars around the 'Low Arousal Approach'. We have adapted the fundamentals of the low arousal approach for digital settings, which is how the above approach was developed. There is a free webinar from Andy McDonnell himself talking about the Low Arousal approach that I highly recommend. Please go to ‘2nd June’ on this page to find it: https://www.studio3.org/free-webinars
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The PDA Society offers a wealth of information and resources around Pathological Demand Avoidance. Check out their website here: https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/
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One particularly helpful resource from the PDA Society is their 'Helpful Approaches for Parents/ Carers' sheet. We believe the PANDA approach that is shared here works for all autistic young people, so this is an integral part of our approach: https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Helpful-approaches-for-parents-and-carers.pdf
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Empathise
Empathise
If someone is struggling, assume there is a good reason why. We should try and learn what their reasoning is.
Even if you think you know what an issue is, you should always take this step. Feeling listened to is the most important part of this process, so it is helpful to take your time here. We recommend a two step process here:
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1) Initial enquiry/ starting the conversation
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"I saw... is there anything I can help with?"
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"I saw that you are struggling with... at the moment"
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"You looked quite upset in... earlier, can I ask if everything is ok?"
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"It looks like... is difficult at the moment, would you like to talk about it?"
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2) Understand more
Do some reflective listening and ask clarifying questions. Focus on understanding the who, what, where and when of the problem. Ask what they're thinking while facing the problem too.
Showing you are listening in an empathetic way takes practice. There are 3 ways you should try and do this:
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Try and understand their perspective, and show you are trying by asking questions that show you have processed what they have said and would like to understand more
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Stay impartial and out of judgement. Even if you feel they are in the wrong, act neutral
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Recognise and communicate their emotions
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Where can I learn more about this step?
There are two YouTube videos that we love which give a strong picture of what empathy is, and how people can get it wrong when they try to be empathetic:​
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Sharing Concerns
Sharing Concerns
Why do you want to problem solve with them? What is the impact of what has happened?
Example starting phrases:
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"I am worried about..."
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"I am wondering if..."
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When talking about concerns, they are normally in one of two categories:
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How the problem is affecting them: It ALWAYS affects them in some way, so make sure to always include the problem they have to show you care about them
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How the problem is affecting others: This may involve speaking to others to understand their perspective. Speaking with everyone involved then impartially sharing people’s perspectives with each other can really help to improve mutual understanding. But make sure they know in advance that when you share another person’s perspectives, you aren’t taking sides but are trying to enable reflection.
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Check they understand your concern and that you have been clear. It is helpful to not start talking about solutions yet or judge/ lecture them
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Where can I learn more about this step?
The Lives in the Balance website offers a huge amount of advice and resources around the CPS model, which this step is adapted from: https://livesinthebalance.org/our-solution/
Teamwork
Teamwork
Now you have fully explored the issue, you can get to problem solving!
Initial enquiry
Raise the concerns that were identified in steps 1 and 2 e.g. "I wonder if there is a way..."
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Then:
Let the young person have the first opportunity to propose a solution, but remember this is a team effort so you should work it out together
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When you are problem solving:
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Don't just put the onus on the young person. It is likely it isn't just them who may need to make changes, but also others involved in an issue and Spectrum Gaming too! If feedback means we may need to make changes to how Spectrum Gaming runs, share this with the team and we can look at this in more detail
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Work out the probability of the solution being successful. If you think it is improbable, say this and see if you can work out something else
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Remember you should focus on solutions that focus on meeting needs/ fixing underlying reasons. Adding punishments or telling people off are not long term solutions so should be avoided.
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You don't have to come up with solutions straight away. If you need more time or want advice from the team, that is ok. Let them know you need more time and will come back with ideas when you are ready.
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Make sure the proposed solutions are possible from both sides, and address everyone's concerns
This step always ends with agreeing to start this process from the beginning if your proposed solution does not stand the test of time.
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Where can I learn more about this step?
The Lives in the Balance website offers a huge amount of advice and resources around the CPS model, which this step is adapted from: https://livesinthebalance.org/our-solution/
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The importance of partnership working
We believe problem solving together, with an equal relationship is an essential part of resolving issues with young people. This means being able to admit getting things wrong, apologising and being willing to learn from young people.
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Even if we are struggling to identify the best solutions and meet all needs a young person has, this can be trumped by trust, connection and positive relationships.
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Young people understanding themselves and their own needs
When problem solving together, it is really helpful for young people to understand themselves and their own needs. In order to help with this, we have 'autism chat' on our Discord communities where young people can discuss autism and ask questions about it. I have also made two videos for young people themselves to watch to increase understanding of autism and of autism and anxiety: